


Sisterhood of The Traveling P* Lamp

by MegaAuLover



Series: Camping Anyone? [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Comedy, F/M, M for language, sexual innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:49:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaAuLover/pseuds/MegaAuLover
Summary: Johanna gave Katniss a phallic lamp as a wedding present that has special magical powers. Come on this hilarious journey the lamp and Katniss and her friends take us on.
Relationships: Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen & Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Series: Camping Anyone? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607230
Comments: 38
Kudos: 83
Collections: Eggplants Peaches Cacti Oh My! (or The Lamp that led to one thing then another)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [endlessnightlock (Endlessnightlock)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endlessnightlock/gifts).



> So I was minding my own business when Buttercupbadass 😺 yes the one and only BBA dared me to write a little drabble for that infamous lamp someone deposited in @butrfac14 inbox found here and BBA’s Girls Day. So I asked what if the lamp was a fertility idol made into a lampshade and somehow was given to Katniss as a gag gift but true to lore that darned lamp worked, well I shared this with BBA she just took it up a notch and this is what spouted out from my brains brain - Thanks to Norbertsmom for being my wonderful beta

It started as a joke. A gag gift from Johanna for their wedding. Jo called it a fertility idol from one of her many trips. It was dirty and I turned red the first time I set eyes on it. I can only describe it to be a lamp with different-sized cocks standing straight up with a large dome-like lampshade covering them all. Peeta has never had a problem with the phallic lamp. I, however, opted to hide it in the laundry room, which is located in the basement. 

Johanna thought she was so clever. All of our girlfriends were laughing behind my back because, of course, I'm the prissy prude of the group. But low and behold just after nine months I popped out Toastbaby number one, a sweet baby girl who is my spitting image but has her fathers' gorgeous baby blues.

Madge, one of my best friends wanted to borrow it for Delly's bachelorette party as the theme of the evening. She wanted to prove she was over Gale Hawthorne and supported his engagement with Delly Cartwright. Six weeks later on her wedding day Delly announced she was pregnant. Gale knocked her up on the night of her bachelorette party. 

The lamp disappeared (i.e. it sat in Madge’s upstairs junk closet. I cannot judge; we all have a declared junk space: a closet, a drawer, a man cave filled with crap from his childhood I’m just itching to get rid of. Seriously, he has moose antlers and the man has never been hunting! But he has gone camping we have the tents to prove it. I digress.) Madge had forgotten about the lamp and as a result she was next in line to be hit with the overwhelming power of the fertility lamp. One month after Delly’s announcement Madge was making one of her own. Poor Thresh didn't know whether he was coming or going during the pregnancy. I saw her push Thresh out of the way at a picnic because she wanted her burger sizzling hot, and it would get cold by the time he brought it to the table. It was then that we (Johanna, Madge, Delly, Annie, and myself) realized that the lamp worked. Thus began the sisterhood of the traveling penis lamp. 

First Rule of the Lamp,  
MY Sister Primrose must never go near the Lamp.

Second Rule of the Lamp,  
The borrower of the Lamp can hold it until she has conceived successfully. 

Third and last Rule of the Lamp,  
The Lamp cannot be used in any sex acts (that rule was meant for Johanna because really, no one wanted to think about what she could do with it!)

Fast forward five years and six-and-a-half kids later (I am pregnant again) after the sisterhood began, and I would say the lamp is potent. We’ve each kept the lamp for no less than a few months before it weaves its unusual magic and we’re pregnant. Annie broke the second rule and thusly she got pregnant with her second six months after the first. Needless to say, when Peeta and I wanted a second baby we put the lamp in Peeta’s art studio. I was pregnant within five months. Peeta’s been trying to figure out which one looks like his shlonger. It’s funny, each of the girls has their own favorite protruding aspect of the penis lamp. I tend to close my ears and think of my dear sainted mother whenever the sisterhood starts talking about their favorite feature. I did hear Delly say she was partial to the small girthy one which makes me wonder if Delly is into Gale because he is packing a tiny wiener. 

The knock at the door brings me out of my private thoughts. It must be Annie. We’ve taken to gathering once a month without the little ones for mommy time. We call it a book club but in reality, it’s more of a gossip fueled anything goes meeting. There are alcohol and frozen juice boxes and plenty of dishes to gorge on. Annie has just arrived, she shoved a plate of sandwiches at me. 

“Sorry I’m late. Finnick was late, and little Archie was fussy.” Annie yawns tiredly. She and Finnick were still trying to catch up on sleep. “What I miss?”

“Nothing, the natives are plying themselves with liquor that I can’t drink and world war three is about to break out.” The sisterhood is very animated today. They wasted no time to discuss who should get the lamp next. 

Annie grinned sympathetically as she sat down quietly in a corner of the room with her juice box. She was nursing, so alcohol was a no-no for her. I’ve come to the realization that at one point or another we have all been on the juice box regiment.

I’m glad the girls are meeting, but for once I wanted to opt-out. I want nothing more than to slip into my pajamas and sit with a pint of mint chocolate-chip. I’m uncomfortable, nothing seems right as I sit. This pregnancy is weird. It’s unlike my first pregnancy; my cravings are uncontrolled, I don’t want to go out, I get tired easily, and I’m hungry all of the time and yet no morning sickness. The other thing is I’m bigger than the last time. I make a note to see my doctor before focusing in on the verbal dueling. 

"I think I should get it. I want junior to have a sibling," Madge grunted.

"I don’t give a rat’s flying ass, who wants it next. I do not want the baby maker near me. After all, I was the one who flipping bought it and brought it here," Jo argued slinging back a beer.

I envied her. She could drink that beautiful cold brew. I was stuck drinking a juice box. I questioned why I wanted to get knocked up again. My eyes glanced at the picture of my little girl as a newborn and that darned pang hits me again, the soft face, the baby smell, the first time I held our baby and the look on Peeta’s face when he saw our baby for the first time. 

"I thought we agreed to go in order," Delly said. She eyed the lamp like it was a piece of chocolate cake.

"What, Gale not filling your love tank?" Jo wiggled her eyebrows.

Delly grew pink then red. "Gale is a dynamic lover."

Madge chuckled. "A one minute wonder."

"Take it back!" Delly squealed.

Jo grinned sipping the beer slowly. I drooled at the sight. There were advantages to being pregnant. Not being able to drink was not one of them. Getting to gorge myself on my husband's infamous cheese-buns was a perk.

"Guys, I think it should go to someone who hasn't had a turn," Annie quietly said from her corner.

"Like who?" Jo laughed.

"You guys better not say, my sister," I threatened. Prim was too young and had to finish medical school before she went about cavorting with men. Yes, my sister was in her mid-twenties but in my head, she was still a virgin, a pure paragon of womanhood and any guy who touched her would get shot through the eye. 

"Effie Trinket," Annie said triumphantly.

"Old Trinket," Madge said horrified.

Jo spit out the precious beer.

"Yeah," Annie smiled brilliantly. "She's finally moved in with Haymitch."

"Mr. Abernathy, the gym teacher?" Delly said puzzled.

"Oh please, it's so obvious.” Annie sipped her juice box innocently. “They've been flirting for years."

I wondered why the sisterhood was so shocked. "It's true, Peeta and I discuss Hayffie all the time."

"They got a name?" Madge shook her head.

"Yeah, just like you guys call my kids Toastbabies and named me and Peeta Everlark, which I am thankful none of you went with Jo's suggestion of Peeniss." My words have the desired effect, I can see their scheming minds at work.

"Now that Mr. Abernathy is retired they can finally move in together and start a life." Annie winked at me.

"How do we do this?" Jo asked.

"Well..." Annie said smiling.

One month later we stood at the doorstep of Mr. Abernathy's home wearing our most demure outfit bearing a full meal. I wore a tent ‘cause that's all that fits me these days. I discovered I’m having twins. This damned fertility penis better work for Miss Trinket.

"Oh girls," Effie said, surprised by our presence.

"We came to welcome you to the neighborhood," Madge said. Ironically, she was the only one who did not live in the neighborhood.

"Oh," Effie said, her hands fluttering around her face. Tears formed in her eyes. "Welcome, welcome!"

I wondered how she was going to take our crazy idea, not well I supposed. I was correct, an hour later Effie gave us a, you're-all-deranged-and should-be-on-medication look. Her eyes gravitated toward the monstrosity that was the lamp. It sat on her mahogany coffee table, a monument to tackiness. 

"It's true," Annie said.

“This baby works,” Jo said fondly, her eyes clearly recalling some inappropriate escapade. 

Effie looked really uncomfortable. 

I finally spoke, "Look Miss Trinket. I don't believe in mumbo-jumbo, but this," I said pointing to my ever-expanding belly, "is real." I rubbed my back. "You don't have to believe us, but just know we only want the best for you, just the way you wanted the best for each of us when we were your students."

"Well, when you put it that way," she looked at the lamp with concern.

I and the rest of the sisterhood gave her our most pleading puppy dog faces.

"I will accept this most gracious gift. However, I must warn you. I am well, perimenopausal and can no longer have children.”

The sisterhood exchanged worried looks, but the plan was in place. We weren't sure the magical penis lamp could go against mother nature. We'd all kind of lost hope, and so nine weeks later we found ourselves in my living room hiding from the oppressive heat as the boys were outside grilling.

"I hate the heat," I muttered slurping down my icy water. I'm baking two for the price of one and I am hot and miserable. 

"I wonder how Effie is doing?" Delly asked.

"I'm afraid to look at her when I see her downtown," Madge confessed. 

"Do you think the mojo left it?" Jo asked the question everyone was secretly thinking.

"Well, you can stop asking yourselves that." Haymitch's voice cut through the thick of our musings. 

We were all surprised to see Hayfie standing before us. Effie carried a box. 

"Play nice with the other kiddies," Effie said, giving Haymitch an affectionate kiss on the cheek. She gracefully sat down on the sofa and put the box down on the coffee table. "I believe the rules state you are to return the lamp when one has conceived." She smiled. "The doctor said I am eight weeks and that I am to stay off my feet. So my question is, who gets it next?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Rules of the Sisterhood are simple:
> 
> First Rule of the Lamp: MY Sister Primrose must never go near the Lamp.
> 
> Second Rule of the Lamp: The borrower of the Lamp can hold it until she has conceived successfully. 
> 
> Third and last Rule of the Lamp: The Lamp cannot be used in any sex acts (that rule was meant for Johanna because really, no one wanted to think about what she could do with it!)
> 
> Sometimes rules are broken....and shenanigans ensue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for Endlessnightlock birthday. I hope you enjoy the second and final installment. You can thank my hard-working and gracious beta Norbertsmom who made sure my endless errors are all covered up.

They say curiosity killed the cat. I should have listened. I should have kept my damned hands to myself. Listen to me very carefully kids, **R** ules **W** ere **N** ot **M** ade **T** o **B** e **B** roken!

"First Rule Jo! What is the First Rule? The FIRST RULE OF THE SISTERHOOD?"

My sister stands like an avenging angel with her hands on her hips. She's barely five feet tall, and she is terrifying. Even Jo, who is a complete badass, pales when my sister loses her shit. My sister thinks I am still a virgin. My sister, the prude, has found out otherwise.

"Katniss so sorry, I know, I wasn't thinking, we were all sick that weekend. You know what happens…"

"You're like every guy who has to deal with their kids," I say from my confined seat.

Jo shakes her head and gives me the stop-making-things-worse-glare.

I remember back to the day this all started.

"Holy crap, Prim! Come see this?" Rue, my roommate called from within the storage room.

I was pulling at a rug that I could use in our living room. "I'm kinda busy," I grunted.

"Seriously, Prim get your tush over here!" Rue shouted.

We were searching for stuff for our apartment. Jo gave me the key to my sister's storage unit. I was graduating from medical school and had zero dollars to spend on stuff. My sister is frugal and thankfully, a packrat. A few months ago, my brother-in-law Peeta finally convinced her they needed new furniture. Katniss allowed it with the condition they put all of their old stuff in storage.

At the time, I thought my sister was crazy, but I became grateful for her neurotic tendencies when I needed furniture myself.

"Prim!" Rue called again.

"What?" I grunted as the rolled-up rug came free. Proud of myself, I grinned happily. Flooring is expensive. Nothing about being an adult comes cheap. I can begrudgingly see why my sister is such a penny pincher.

"You've got to see this?" Rue called.

Rolling my eyes, I huffed as I walked over to where my roommate was standing, mouth ajar. Her brown eyes were wider than that time she caught me getting off to a picture of the Hulk. Just thinking of that big hunka man gets me worked up. I have a thing for tall, large men. I can't help myself. Damn Avengers.

"What's wrong with…" the words died in my throat as my eyes found what Rue was blatantly staring at. It was a lamp made up of different-sized dicks with the ugliest wicker lamp-shade I'd ever seen.

"I know, I can't stop staring at it."

Neither could I. I forced my mouth to close. I wanted to touch it. Jeez, I counted in my head how many guy's dicks I could compare to the lamp. I'm no seductress, but I'm no shrinking violet either. My mouth watered at the big thick one toward the front. I wondered if a man-made this? Or if it was a woman? It was very masculine, but at the same time deeply appealing. "Fuck," the word slipped out of my mouth.

"Ditto," Rue said.

"What the hell is my sister doing with something like this?" My sister, Katniss Mellark, is a prude. The kind that doesn't emote sexuality. She's so boring in her buttoned-up flannels and mom jeans. My sister even has a mom car, a boring minivan. Who has a minivan anymore? True, she and my brother-in-law do have four kids, but I just can't imagine my sister ever doing the nasty, let alone having something like this.

Simultaneously we said, "I want it...jinx!"

I wondered how my sister got her hands on the penis lamp. If there was one person in the entire group who this lamp belonged to is Jo. With my apartment needs sorted, I braved one of the feared book clubs. My sister had been inviting me since I finished medical school, but I hadn't attended one yet. I showed up with the latest book they were obsessed over, The Hating Game. I read the section they were covering that week and made my notes, but when I entered the book club's den I was shocked by the amount of liquor these women consumed.

They were at Madge's place and she had some high-quality liquor and wine. The stuff I can't afford, not even at bars, unless some cute meaty patron buys me a drink.

They were laughing and going on, half, if not completely inebriated. My mouth hung open to see them acting so human.

"To the sisterhood!" Jo said, clinking glasses with the girls.

I turned to Delly. She's the easiest prey, "What do you mean by the sisterhood?"

Delly giggled. "The sisterhood of the traveling penis lamp."

"I'm sorry, what?" Did they all know of the lamp?

"The sisterhood of the traveling penis lamp." Delly smiled, gleefully sipping her white wine.

"So, you know about the penis lamp with the ugly wicker lampshade."

"It's not just a lamp; it's a baby-making machine. We've all gotten pregnant when we've had the lamp in our possession."

"Delly, you know a lamp can't get you knocked up?" As a doctor, I was appalled by this erroneous belief.

"Oh, but it's true. Jo gave your sister the penis lamp as a gag wedding gift and she had little Mel."

"What are you two talking about," Jo hit me in the back.

"The lamp," Delly giggled.

"Delly!"

"What?" Delly pouted. "The first rule is Prim must never go near the lamp…nothing states we can't talk about the lamp."

Jo was about to say something when I agreed, "It's true, we're only talking about the lamp, a lamp you gave my sister."

Jo grinned. "It was a stroke of genius, really. Your sister is such a prude!"

"I know!"

"So much so, she won't even tell us the real way she and Peeta hooked up. I know they did not talk in high school." Delly shook her head. "Peeta would have mentioned it."

"They met camping," I said absentmindedly trying to find a way to get back to the lamp.

"Baker boy is not an outdoorsman," Jo shook her head. "Not like Gale, hey didn't Katniss and Gale date?"

Delly blushed.

I vomited a little in my mouth as I realized Gale had been with 3 of the 6 women gathered. My sister dated Gale in high school, he was a himbo and I loathed the way he treated my sister. After her, he dated Madge. I found it interesting that he ended up with Delly. The one girl who appeared meek is the girl he fell head over stinking heels for. From what I heard when Delly wanted something Gale made it his mission to give it to her. That was a joke around the women that Gale was Delly's lap dog.

"She once called his thing a tiny misshapen raisin," Jo said.

"Gale's dick is not as puny as raisin…" Delly squealed.

"Well no matter, you and he have five kids." One step closer.

"That penis lamp is strong," Delly said, sipping her drink.

"I didn't know how potent the fertility idol could be." Jo knocked back her beer. "Fifteen kids, I've got one, Katniss has four, Madge and Annie each have two, Effie has one, and as you mentioned Prim, Delly has five kids."

"What are you talking about?" Annie asked, joining the group.

"The powers of the lamp."

"Oh yes, I forgot to bring the lamp to the meeting to pass it off after I had my first son, and as a result, my boys were born within the same year."

"You mean you've been passing the lamp around?"

"Hey, " Madge joined in the conversation.

"The lamp works," Annie said.

"That is superstition and here say," my scientific brain could not wrap around the concept of a penis lamp being the impetus for each one of their pregnancies.

The girls all in one voice said, "It works."

Rather than starting a cockfight in the henhouse, I dropped the subject and went home. As I stood in front of the lamp, I rubbed it and said, "You're a lucky bastard, but you have no power over my reproduction system."

My phone pinged, and it was one of my favorite fuck buddies, Gloss, yup like the makeup. He's pretty, and he's just the way I like them, hulky. I texted him to come over, but unfortunately for me by the time he arrived, I was exhausted and two sheets to the wind. Any other guy would have taken advantage of the situation, after all, I was willing. Gloss didn't, he dressed me in my favorite flannel pajamas, and made me toast and tea. Sometime after my meal, I passed out, but not before I asked him to stay. I woke up with him next to me and my mind went back to the lamp.

Gloss looked over to see what I was looking at and said, "Whoa, I didn't see that there."

"It's a fertility idol," I joked, giving Gloss a kiss on the cheek.

He wanted to borrow it, but I wasn't sure if he should. Though, I told him that if he let me paint him green, I would let him. Gloss didn't know of my little fetish. The poor man didn't know I was only into him for his body. He's not exactly brilliant, but he is pretty and has massive arms. I digress. He laughed at my suggestion, but less than an hour later, when I was riding him, I forgot everything, including that ugly lampshade.

After Gloss had left, Rue came into the apartment, her shoes in her hands like Holly Golightly. "Good night?"

Rue grinned uncontrollably and then squealed and showed me the ring on her finger.

A ring, I was caught like a deer in headlights. Because we're in the of prime our lives. I tend to spell out words in my head when I'm in shock. My mind suddenly projected me sitting in the middle of my sister's book club, but getting extremely drunk. My voice was unusually high, almost like I had inhaled helium from a birthday balloon. "You're getting married!"

"I'm getting married!" Rue jumped.

The happiness expressed in her eyes made me realize it was not about me; it was about her. And how I am not going to turn into my beloved sister. I tried to remember what Rue's guy looked like. "With double-jointed guy?"

"Oh Prim, his name is Messalla," Rue laughed. "I've been seeing him for over three months."

"Congratulations." Rue engagement sounded quick, but in reality, my sister married Peeta in less than two months after they started dating. All my sister would tell me is that they bumped into each other while camping. My brother-in-law isn't the outdoorsy type. I didn't believe he had been camping. I wondered after seeing the lamp if camping was a code word for something else.

I shivered at the thought of my sister doing something obscene. Yes, they do have four kids.

Rue whistled, walked by, and rubbed the lamp. We believed the lamp gave us luck. I met Gloss shortly after bringing home the lamp. I mean, he's no brain surgeon. The man is dumb as rocks, but he's a pretty one. Pretty like the guys you find in those online pictorials. You know the ones, we've all been down that rabbit hole on drunk lonely nights. Mmmmm the Hulk.

"Hey," Rue snapped, "Where d'you go?"

"Sorry, I was thinking of Gloss."

"How did he become a pharmaceutical rep, he's…" Rue struggled with words. "...well...he's... an idiot…he passed his certification by one point."

I rolled my eyes at Rue.

"I can't imagine why your sister had this," she said as she let go of the lamp.

"I thought it should belong to Jo. I mean, she's far more sexually adventurous than my sister. I nearly spit my drink out when I found out last night it belongs to my sister. Jo calls it a fertility idol. She gave it to Katniss as a gag gift."

Rue chuckled. "No wonder it was in the storage unit. Katniss probably rented the unit just to put it as far away from her as she could get it."

"Well, if you want to know, my sister and her friends think the lamp made them pregnant."

"Huh," Rue said.

"Don't tell me you believe this is a magical baby maker?"

"As an anthropologist, I will tell you that a fertility idol is a common belief in many different cultures."

"Rue."

"Relax, I know where babies come from, Dr. Everdeen."

"Just making sure you don't turn into one of my sister's crazy friends." I rubbed my favorite penis and jumped in the shower.

A few weeks later, after a night where I don't remember exactly what happened. I wasn't drinking; I was just tired and coming off a three-day shift at the hospital, my last case was a woman who got a sex toy stuck inside of her ass. YUP, the world is full of freaks. I was delirious because when you are exhausted you act as if you are drunk.

I opened the door and there was Gloss with coffee and pastries from Mellark's. "Hi."

"I heard you had a wild night and came to deliver some much-needed food."

I couldn't help the smile. He might not be smart, but he is sweet. We were getting serious. I discovered he has a sister who he is very protective over. He liked to send me flowers, show up just when I needed him. He was not the jock that I once thought he was and it surprised me. He could be vulnerable and sensitive, and sometimes I could be tough. Working as an ER doctor changed me. I've seen so many things, but it's nice to have a nice guy.

"Not hungry," I pouted and bat my eyelashes.

"Come on," he took off his jacket and slipped off his shoes.

Score cuddle buddy. Possible boyfriend, maybe more I didn't know, but ugh, those python arms were all mine.

The next thing I knew I heard my sister yelling in the apartment.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT!" My sister yelled.

This brings us back to where we are now.

Poor Jo is reduced to ashes. I am glad Gloss is passed out in my bedroom. This ship is sinking fast. I am furiously thinking about how to get out. Screw Gloss, women, and children first. I look over at Rue who is sitting next to me, her eyes are wide as saucers.

I've never seen my sister so angry. Katniss usually displays her anger in that smoldering - I'm a badass with a bow and arrow - kind of way. This is something different. My sister is like a volcano about to blow for the second time. Not just her, even Annie who is shy and sweet looks like a fierce Amazon.

"I'm scared, Prim," Rue whispers.

"Maybe if we don't move, they'll go away," I say but I know my sister's friends don't all have their heads screwed on right. They are clad in leggings and oversized unlaundered sweatshirts that smell of stale chips.

"Not a chance, I just heard Delly say she's on a crash diet. She looks hungry and I've got a chocolate bar in my pocket," Rue points to the front pocket of her overalls.

"We can make a run for it…we can make it to the window, and climb down the fire escape until we reach an open window."

"Okay, but if we don't make it…" Rue's voice wobbled as the whispering grew between my sister's friends, "Just know that I love you like a sister. Oh, and I ruined your black catsuit."

"My catsuit I was waiting to use with you know who for our anniversary?" I'm panicked, I have this entire scenario in my head with Gloss which involves green body paint and other toys hidden in my closet that he can rip apart.

"I used it with Messalla," Rue whispered.

I opened my mouth and closed it. Rue had a thing about the circus, and they are engaged. My eyes land on the Avengers movie cover. Who am I to judge? We all have our kinks. It's really ridiculous that I am cowering in my own apartment over a lamp with an ugly wicker lampshade. Well, the shade may be horrific, but the lamp is mesmerizing.

They break apart and stand in front of us, and I wonder if this is how my life ends. Death by penis lamp!

"Did either one of you sleep with anyone within the past three weeks?" they asked at the same time. It is intimidating.

Rue raised her hand cautiously. As for me, I kept my hand down. I'm not going to confess that I've done a couple of wrestling moves with Gloss. Hell, she doesn't even know I'm dating a tub of shiny lip veneer.

Effie muttered, "Oh, dear, Oh dear…"

My sister looked relieved.

"Fuck," Jo said.

Delly pulled out a pregnancy test. "I am going to ask you to take this."

"WOAH! What the H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS!" I jump up.

"Prim, the lamp is a fertility idol. It made us all pregnant."

"Katniss, I am a doctor and there is only one way to get pregnant and trust me this thing," I point to the lamp, "isn't some magic baby maker."

"YES, IT IS," The sisterhood all say in unison. Creepy.

"Look, I'll take the test," Rue jumps up.

"Rue!" I am mortified.

"If it will get them out of our apartment, I will pee on the stick," Rue says between clenched teeth.

"This is preposterous. You do not have to do this to satisfy this urban legend they've created."

"But I want to."

I open my mouth and then shut it.

"I think I'm pregnant!"

My knees buckle and I fall back into the chair. "What?"

"Another one bites the dust," Jo says. "I got knocked up after one night out on the town. Just one night. I took the lamp as a joke, thinking it couldn't happen to me, but low and behold I've got a little ankle-biter of my own. Don't get me wrong, I love my kid. It's other people's kids that drive me bonkers."

"Jo, you are my Billy's godmother!" Delly stomps.

"Other people's kids, Delly…" Jo says with a roll of her eyes.

Rue takes the stick and sure enough, it's positive. And at this point, I am convinced there might be some truth to this entire fiasco. My stomach churns and I throw up. As I lift my head, the lamp stares right back at me and it dawns on me I am the latest victim.

Nine months later I watch Gloss hand out cigars to the guys. I stand with our small boy in my arms. Gloss and I are not engaged, nor married, but we are living together. Behind me, there is a serious discussion as to what to do with the lamp. The sisterhood has grown by two.

"I'm told you think we should have burned it," my sister grumbles.

"I am sure we can find a home for it. Imagine the good it can do if it is unleashed into the world properly," Rue's thoughtful words inspire me.

"Maybe Rue is right," I say, looking at the other women.

"What are you going to do, threaten world leaders into peaceful submission?" Jo snorts.

"No, but what if we give it to Flickerman's Clinic. They help men and women find ways to have children, either through adoption, surrogacy, Invitro, you name it. Gloss was speaking about it the other day."

"I am sorry, you said Gloss talks?" Madge questioned.

Yes, my boyfriend is no astrophysicist, but he is kind and loyal to his family, and he lets me paint him green.

"Are you talking about the Flickerman Fertility Clinic?" Effie asks.

"Yes, you've heard of it?"

"Oh, Caesar and I are good friends. I am sure that if I speak to him, he would accept the lamp."

"This way that thing can do good for once," Jo said.

And so, the lamp, in all of its erectile glory, now lives in a fertility clinic that mysteriously started having a 100 percent success rate, all of a sudden.


End file.
